Monday blues

So I haven't blogged in forever and a day, but I'm feeling the restlessness of many words clogging up my thinking functions, and I decided to let some more out before I continue my schoolwork for the day.


My current stress pattern is in the form of acceptance to SPSU (southern polytechnic state university), and I'm dearly hoping to be accepted, because then at least I'll be moving forward and be doing something. If it does fall through, however, I'll be back at square one, wondering what God wants me to do.

I do not have the goals, ideas, dreams, thoughts, hopes, anything that many students start out with when going to school. I am at a loss of what to do. I know what NOT to do, but that only helps when you are in a position that you need to make the right decision. In circumstances like these, however, I have no idea what is going on. If I don't get accepted into SPSU, I'll be just here. Note: I've been in that state so darn often that I am SICK of it, and know the feeling and position so often I almost DREAD not getting into college b/c of the feeling that that comes with.

Some might say, ok you didn't get into that college, why dont you just apply to more colleges? Well, here's the thing: I am going to college because it's the step my parents tell me is the best way to go. Because I don't have any motivation for myself, I am doing what they say is right, good, etc. This getting through to this one college is a mess as it is, and the way my mind's going right now is that college isn't worth all this blood, sweat, and tears they ask for. Being a homeschool student makes it hard to get into a school, and Southern Poly looks like the eaisest one to deal with. As it was, my mom has had to work very hard to get together a packet of all the work I've done so that they can know I haven't slacked off my whole highschool career.

But if I don't get in, I'll go beserk! I don't think it's worth it! It's not worth all this pain so that I can go to a school and mess around with my head, get extremely stressed out about my grades (which I KNOW I will do), and maybe have a life change that isn't good for my well-being....I--don't--know!!!!!

So yeah, this is the current stress of my life.


I've been getting more money, which is good, because my only income is babysitting, and I have a phone to pay for, let alone summer camp this year. Luckily I was one of the few who can pay for my entire camp tuition on my own this year, God has blessed me with that.


Physics is hard, especially since it turns out that I am taking an AP Physics class, which should prepare me for college (if I get accepted), and if it doesn't then it'll turn out that I beated my brains out for nothing.


Plans: Hopefully I'll be able to go to Six Flags with Jen this coming Spring Break, as she wanted to do somthing with me, and I was truly tempted with going to Six Flags (I'm an amusement park junkie :]) and I'm already in Six Flags mode though it'll be like two weeks away lol.


Oh dear, it's getting late. I should finish my Trig today at least, hopefully by tomorrow I'll get done alot of physics, as I am behind again. Yuck.


Hope your Monday went well!