So, for the past few days, I've been feeling like I'm dreaming all day. I have a feeling that one reason why is because my best friend just got married yesterday, and I have yet to take that occurrence as a reality. Yes, there are other things that have contributed to my state of mind, but I'm not sure if I want to talk about that right now.
It's weird dreaming when I'm awake..it feels as if I can't take anything seriously...and as if I'm going to wake up any second and things'll be as they were....which, in a way, is a really bad thing. What I consider to be (in my mind) my normal is fighting with Andy Flannery (who was another of my best friends and one point...we don't make contact any more by my decision), and then being friends again, then fighting again, and not being able to think straight. And on the side of my other best friend (the one that got married), my normal in my mind for her is finding a new b/f....I become friends with him...we talk more and more...Jen gets mad 'cause she thinks I'm trying to steal him, we get in a fight...we make it up, they separate for some reason....repeat experience....
So I guess, what I'm saying is I'm so used to major DRAMA in my life, it feels like I'm dreaming when it's not present. Which is good, since in my real dreams there is no drama...
But the reason why it's bad is because I'm expecting all of this to go *poof* any second and I'll be in that drama stuff again for the rest of my life. Which means I'm going to miss opportunites in this real life since I won't be taking it seriously.
OH btw, Jen (the one who's married now) made me dance with the guy who had to walk me down the aisle. She said both me and Crystal (her sis and matron of honor) had to dance with David's (her now-husband) best men...two of which were Crystal and my guys who had to walk us down the before-mentioned asile. Anywho, what I was saying was that was the first time I've ever done that before..."danced" with a guy. Jen is the only one who's even seen me dance...and teach me how herself. He was so nice about it. All of David's friends who came were nice guys. I enjoyed being around them. They made me laugh pretty hard. :)
I guess that's part of this whole waking dream deal. I'm also used to Andy being the only guy that talks to me...unless it's Jen's new b/f. Now more guys are talking to me without me feeling like it's because they have to. You know those senarios...the ones that the couple goes off by themselves and they leave you with the other guy....so you feel like you two are obligated to talk. Or the senario that Jen uses alot with me. The one that she tries to make eye contact with me so she can furiously mouth to me to talk to him. Yuck. I hate forced conversation. It's the worst.
I have thank you cards to write today, as it's past Christmas and we want to get them done soon. Oh well, maybe I'll have more to say in the New Year.
Hope you had a wonderful Christmas...and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Monday, December 29
Saturday, November 29
Blessings
Certain places you may call home, I call certain people my home.
Doesn't the phrase go:
Well my heart lies with certain people that uplift me just by asking me what's up. Only those people can say the same words to me as the rest and make them have a new meaning. Those people are my blessings.
The make me smile when I hear them speak.
They make me laugh despite my hard day.
They challenge my thinking without making me feel threatened.
They make the world a little brighter around me, and the day easier to get through.
They make me wonder what it is in them that makes them so easy to know, and why I wasn't blessed with their gift of uplifting.
But I know for sure I am blessed, just by remembering their faces and their smiles.
My blessing's names are Brian Morris, Kelsey Dillon, Adam Mauldin, and Mary Gay Jordan.
May you find your blessings in this world of trouble and confusion.
Doesn't the phrase go:
Home is where the heart is?
Well my heart lies with certain people that uplift me just by asking me what's up. Only those people can say the same words to me as the rest and make them have a new meaning. Those people are my blessings.
The make me smile when I hear them speak.
They make me laugh despite my hard day.
They challenge my thinking without making me feel threatened.
They make the world a little brighter around me, and the day easier to get through.
They make me wonder what it is in them that makes them so easy to know, and why I wasn't blessed with their gift of uplifting.
But I know for sure I am blessed, just by remembering their faces and their smiles.
My blessing's names are Brian Morris, Kelsey Dillon, Adam Mauldin, and Mary Gay Jordan.
May you find your blessings in this world of trouble and confusion.
Sunday, November 23
Singing
You want to know somthing that's slightly unusual? (At least I don't think this is how other houses work) Our house usually has some kind of music on. This includes anyone who decides to sing at that moment. So usually there is a spontaneous burst of song in our house (mostly compliments of Deanna) or we have a radio on or somthing to that effect.
This, I don't believe, happens in all houses. In fact, I have yet to hear someone randomly start singing in ANY house but ours.
Of course, I do enjoy this, as it is the sounds of home, but sometimes I wonder that if someone was watching our house whether they would get weirded out or not.
On another note, I've found only a handful of people who can change my attitude (positively) for a good few hours just by talking to them for a few minutes. Those are the people I simply love to death. They are, as I frequently say, my favorites :)
This morning I was pretty good in the attitude arena, and continued to be so until one of said favorites had a very small conversation with me, and my day was suddenly all the better. There is no comprehensible reason for this sudden burst of happiness, as it was a common exchange we have. Maybe it's because I can trust on having that exchange, and that makes it all the better. Who knows? Probably God, but I don't think He'll tell me. He seems to enjoy watching me learn from asking myself questions. Anyways, if you have a friend who's a favorite, you're very lucky, as those seem to be very few and far between.
Who am I even talking to? My sis gnat (ha I know you hate that name, but it's a habit now) I know is reading this, but who else would read my rambling ons? It's just a ramble of info that isn't nearly as interesting as Brian's infinite facts (see thisbipedsview.blogspot.com), and just continues to just take up time.
That was my original intention with this blog, just for it to take up time. If you've read my first one, you'll see that I was taking care of a friend's house when I started this, and now I'm continuing it because I helped my sis make her own today, and I decided to add on to my own.
Anywho, I've updated the look and now it's green instead of blue. whoopee.
Oh, speaking of colors, I STILL have yet to decide what to paint my room in the future! The bonus room needs to have paint soon, as the construction is done, and I believe the next step after cleaning is painting....and I don't know what to paint it. I want to use green and blue as my main colors, but for red, white and brown to be accent colors. I have a bathroom and bedroom to paint, and I don't know what color to use for either. The rooms aren't huge, so I have to use light colors, but so far all the colors I've seen are too yellow or too dark.
Anywho, I'd better go do something else,
Later!
This, I don't believe, happens in all houses. In fact, I have yet to hear someone randomly start singing in ANY house but ours.
Of course, I do enjoy this, as it is the sounds of home, but sometimes I wonder that if someone was watching our house whether they would get weirded out or not.
On another note, I've found only a handful of people who can change my attitude (positively) for a good few hours just by talking to them for a few minutes. Those are the people I simply love to death. They are, as I frequently say, my favorites :)
This morning I was pretty good in the attitude arena, and continued to be so until one of said favorites had a very small conversation with me, and my day was suddenly all the better. There is no comprehensible reason for this sudden burst of happiness, as it was a common exchange we have. Maybe it's because I can trust on having that exchange, and that makes it all the better. Who knows? Probably God, but I don't think He'll tell me. He seems to enjoy watching me learn from asking myself questions. Anyways, if you have a friend who's a favorite, you're very lucky, as those seem to be very few and far between.
Who am I even talking to? My sis gnat (ha I know you hate that name, but it's a habit now) I know is reading this, but who else would read my rambling ons? It's just a ramble of info that isn't nearly as interesting as Brian's infinite facts (see thisbipedsview.blogspot.com), and just continues to just take up time.
That was my original intention with this blog, just for it to take up time. If you've read my first one, you'll see that I was taking care of a friend's house when I started this, and now I'm continuing it because I helped my sis make her own today, and I decided to add on to my own.
Anywho, I've updated the look and now it's green instead of blue. whoopee.
Oh, speaking of colors, I STILL have yet to decide what to paint my room in the future! The bonus room needs to have paint soon, as the construction is done, and I believe the next step after cleaning is painting....and I don't know what to paint it. I want to use green and blue as my main colors, but for red, white and brown to be accent colors. I have a bathroom and bedroom to paint, and I don't know what color to use for either. The rooms aren't huge, so I have to use light colors, but so far all the colors I've seen are too yellow or too dark.
Anywho, I'd better go do something else,
Later!
Friday, November 14
College
College... a word that means change.
For some, it means a chance to get out of the environment they've just about had enough with, and can't wait to leave.
For others, its a chance that scares them to death and they don't want to take.
For me, it means a mixture of things. For one, I like to move on. I like to find new things and explore possibilities. Getting away from the life I feel is monotonous won't hurt either. On the other hand, I'm not necessarily one who embraces surprises. And this upcoming year of college is not necessarily territory I've explored before.
So, in one way, I'm looking forward to some change in my life. In another way, I wish the change was something I knew I could deal with, like moving to another state. That I've done enough to know what to do. For this upcoming year, I'm afraid of floundering so hard I hurt myself. And that's most likely to happen.
Off of that deeply creepy (and upcoming) subject, I have received 427 college emails. Yes, I saved them all and they are sitting in their own folder where I can wonder at the silliness of it all. I also find it so funny how those mailers you get about a college saying how much you would fit into this college, how accomplished you are, blah blah blah...they are sent by the masses. I used to work for a business that sent out mailers like that. I had the job of pasting someone's name into certain spots, and adding the date I they were finished. Wow, very personal.
Anywho, now that I've gotten that out of my system, I'm going to go check on random things that have no deep meaning.
Later!
For some, it means a chance to get out of the environment they've just about had enough with, and can't wait to leave.
For others, its a chance that scares them to death and they don't want to take.
For me, it means a mixture of things. For one, I like to move on. I like to find new things and explore possibilities. Getting away from the life I feel is monotonous won't hurt either. On the other hand, I'm not necessarily one who embraces surprises. And this upcoming year of college is not necessarily territory I've explored before.
So, in one way, I'm looking forward to some change in my life. In another way, I wish the change was something I knew I could deal with, like moving to another state. That I've done enough to know what to do. For this upcoming year, I'm afraid of floundering so hard I hurt myself. And that's most likely to happen.
Off of that deeply creepy (and upcoming) subject, I have received 427 college emails. Yes, I saved them all and they are sitting in their own folder where I can wonder at the silliness of it all. I also find it so funny how those mailers you get about a college saying how much you would fit into this college, how accomplished you are, blah blah blah...they are sent by the masses. I used to work for a business that sent out mailers like that. I had the job of pasting someone's name into certain spots, and adding the date I they were finished. Wow, very personal.
Anywho, now that I've gotten that out of my system, I'm going to go check on random things that have no deep meaning.
Later!
Tuesday, November 4
Inferior?
I have this....feeling/compulsion that things that I do are inferior to other people's work.
The frustrating part is that I don't know why I feel inferior. It's not like people tell me that I am, or that my work's ever even been compared to someone else's work.
I usually don't have a problem with things unless:
a) I can't do a thing about changing it and I'm expected to
b) It really is my problem
As I sit here writing all of this, I still am comparing this to someone else's writing, as if I have to compete with them to make something worth reading.
My logic is that if it's public, it needs to be worth whoever's time it is I am taking up. But I'm not taking up anyone's time if no one's reading my blog, which means there's no reason for it to be public. Why I allow it to be public yet I'm wondering if it's worth anyone's time I don't know.
And then I go onto, is this even logic that I'm writing down, or is it just a mess of thought? Why do I even continue with this thought? Why don't I find something more exciting to write about, oh wait, I have nothing exciting in my life, but that adjective (like all adjectives) is a comparative. It doesn't exist unless I have something to compare it to. What is exciting then is my next question, and what is not exciting that I consider myself to be?
Ok, I've partially even confused myself. I think I mean to say that all of this is more than adjectives. Or maybe I mean adjectives are all they are. Hmm...what do I mean?
And there I go again, rambling on about something that I can't even keep up with. Which, in essence, makes me think I'm inferior.
How many languages can you say "yuck"?
I could ramble on, but I don't think this blog post would end, and then i'd fall even more behind in school. wonderful.
Over and out.
The frustrating part is that I don't know why I feel inferior. It's not like people tell me that I am, or that my work's ever even been compared to someone else's work.
I usually don't have a problem with things unless:
a) I can't do a thing about changing it and I'm expected to
b) It really is my problem
As I sit here writing all of this, I still am comparing this to someone else's writing, as if I have to compete with them to make something worth reading.
My logic is that if it's public, it needs to be worth whoever's time it is I am taking up. But I'm not taking up anyone's time if no one's reading my blog, which means there's no reason for it to be public. Why I allow it to be public yet I'm wondering if it's worth anyone's time I don't know.
And then I go onto, is this even logic that I'm writing down, or is it just a mess of thought? Why do I even continue with this thought? Why don't I find something more exciting to write about, oh wait, I have nothing exciting in my life, but that adjective (like all adjectives) is a comparative. It doesn't exist unless I have something to compare it to. What is exciting then is my next question, and what is not exciting that I consider myself to be?
Ok, I've partially even confused myself. I think I mean to say that all of this is more than adjectives. Or maybe I mean adjectives are all they are. Hmm...what do I mean?
And there I go again, rambling on about something that I can't even keep up with. Which, in essence, makes me think I'm inferior.
How many languages can you say "yuck"?
I could ramble on, but I don't think this blog post would end, and then i'd fall even more behind in school. wonderful.
Over and out.
Monday, November 3
Time Change/ Sleep
I love the time change.
For the longest time I've felt like my body wanted more sleep than I could possibly allow it to have, as every day I have to get up for some reason or another before I wish to.
This time change, however, has made it to where I get an "extra" hour of sleep every night.
This is going to be a short ramble today, because I don't have all that much to continue on about.
Recently I've been watching TV before I go to bed, which is a brand new thing for me. Usually I don't watch TV at all, and only sometimes watch a movie before bed. But now that I'm over here at this house that is not mine all by myself, I have decided to pass the late hours watching shows that last 1/2 an hour to 1 hour total. My my we have short attention spans here.
Gotta get to school.
For the longest time I've felt like my body wanted more sleep than I could possibly allow it to have, as every day I have to get up for some reason or another before I wish to.
This time change, however, has made it to where I get an "extra" hour of sleep every night.
This is going to be a short ramble today, because I don't have all that much to continue on about.
Recently I've been watching TV before I go to bed, which is a brand new thing for me. Usually I don't watch TV at all, and only sometimes watch a movie before bed. But now that I'm over here at this house that is not mine all by myself, I have decided to pass the late hours watching shows that last 1/2 an hour to 1 hour total. My my we have short attention spans here.
Gotta get to school.
Friday, October 31
Halloween
Today is Halloween, and children are getting all excited for the night to come.
I am at the home I'm taking care of, in my pajamas, finishing up schoolwork, and preparing to pretend I'm not home once dark hits.
Whoopee.
Y'know, once you hit a certain age and you get too old to just go out and get candy, it's not that you believe you're too old, its just that it doesn't seem as much fun anymore.
Maybe it's because very few of your friends indulge in that view point. Who knows.
But I see lots of my friends will have parties and things they're going to do tonight. I'm glad they can still enjoy Halloween despite their age.
Me, having the responsibilities that I do, am going to be sitting in the house I'm taking care of with the lights off hoping no one will come and ring the doorbell.
This year, Halloween's going on my "strongly dislike" list.
Maybe that'll change in years to come. I hope so. I don't like that list to get any bigger. Valentines Day is already on there, and has been for years. I can't wait for it to come off.
Happy Halloween!!
I am at the home I'm taking care of, in my pajamas, finishing up schoolwork, and preparing to pretend I'm not home once dark hits.
Whoopee.
Y'know, once you hit a certain age and you get too old to just go out and get candy, it's not that you believe you're too old, its just that it doesn't seem as much fun anymore.
Maybe it's because very few of your friends indulge in that view point. Who knows.
But I see lots of my friends will have parties and things they're going to do tonight. I'm glad they can still enjoy Halloween despite their age.
Me, having the responsibilities that I do, am going to be sitting in the house I'm taking care of with the lights off hoping no one will come and ring the doorbell.
This year, Halloween's going on my "strongly dislike" list.
Maybe that'll change in years to come. I hope so. I don't like that list to get any bigger. Valentines Day is already on there, and has been for years. I can't wait for it to come off.
Happy Halloween!!
Wednesday, October 29
Babysitting
So I'm sitting here at someone else's desk writing on the blog I just made this morning.
I'm waiting for the girl I'm babysitting (Macie) to decide she wants to get up and is done laying in bed. I realize that when I refer to my last blog post, this situation correspons pretty closely to my situation earlier.
We have somehthing in common, this 2 year old and I. We don't want to get up once we're down.
I'm listening to one of her toys being played with over and over as it makes noises when she pushes certain buttons on it's body. The babymonitor is bringing forth no sound that comes from the child's mouth, only sounds that emminate from the loud toy she is occupying herself with.
Putting this topic aside, it's fun to talk with all those words that make my sentences more complicated. It'd probably drive my family nuts trying to read this blog, as I've been taught to keep it simple. I hate keeping it simple. I like to feel smart and put words that clutter up my sentences. :D
Is this a disorder of my own? No Idea. (another smiley face should be inserted here)
There goes the toy again:
Still no sound comes from the two year old upstairs.
I am out of things to ramble on about.
Maybe I'll go check facebook again...
Lizzimae
I'm waiting for the girl I'm babysitting (Macie) to decide she wants to get up and is done laying in bed. I realize that when I refer to my last blog post, this situation correspons pretty closely to my situation earlier.
We have somehthing in common, this 2 year old and I. We don't want to get up once we're down.
I'm listening to one of her toys being played with over and over as it makes noises when she pushes certain buttons on it's body. The babymonitor is bringing forth no sound that comes from the child's mouth, only sounds that emminate from the loud toy she is occupying herself with.
Putting this topic aside, it's fun to talk with all those words that make my sentences more complicated. It'd probably drive my family nuts trying to read this blog, as I've been taught to keep it simple. I hate keeping it simple. I like to feel smart and put words that clutter up my sentences. :D
Is this a disorder of my own? No Idea. (another smiley face should be inserted here)
There goes the toy again:
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYandZ now I know my ABC's next time won't you sing with me...
Still no sound comes from the two year old upstairs.
I am out of things to ramble on about.
Maybe I'll go check facebook again...
Lizzimae
My First Ramble
So here I am, about to try blogging again.
I tried it about 3-4 years ago on Xanga, and that didn't work out, but since this seems to be a common form of communication now, I'm going to give it a shot again.
So my dad reads blogs, people discuss things on blogs, and I am trying now to write a blog.
Maybe I should stop trying and just write hmm?
Well right now I'm not in my own home, I'm procrastinating on schoolwork, and I have to water someone else's deck plants and take care of someone else's kid in a few hours.
Also, I haven't taken a shower, I've only eaten a banana, and I want to go back to bed.
I've always wondered if the urge to stay in bed is because I'm tired or I'm lazy, or if it's just because I'm a teenager. I don't think it's simply the latter. It might be all three.
I had a dream last night about being in something that surmounted into a gang. If a dream-analyzer person was to take that dream apart, I wonder what it would mean. I've always wondered what my dreams meant. I suppose most of them would be boiled down into that I'm lonely or something to that effect. Figures.
You know I could go on and on talking about nothing, but I have to get responsible and do what I'm expected to be doing. Not only that but my mom's going to call soon and I have to tell her I've at least done something that amounts to productiveness.
The word productiveness reminds me of the word producing, which reminds me of production at church, which reminds me I missed out on take-down last week. Most people hate that time of day, but personally I really enjoy feeling like I'm doing something helpful. Having friends that do take-down makes it even better.
Anyways, away I go to take the helm and steer myself back on course. I have a book to read too....
Lizzimae
I tried it about 3-4 years ago on Xanga, and that didn't work out, but since this seems to be a common form of communication now, I'm going to give it a shot again.
So my dad reads blogs, people discuss things on blogs, and I am trying now to write a blog.
Maybe I should stop trying and just write hmm?
Well right now I'm not in my own home, I'm procrastinating on schoolwork, and I have to water someone else's deck plants and take care of someone else's kid in a few hours.
Also, I haven't taken a shower, I've only eaten a banana, and I want to go back to bed.
I've always wondered if the urge to stay in bed is because I'm tired or I'm lazy, or if it's just because I'm a teenager. I don't think it's simply the latter. It might be all three.
I had a dream last night about being in something that surmounted into a gang. If a dream-analyzer person was to take that dream apart, I wonder what it would mean. I've always wondered what my dreams meant. I suppose most of them would be boiled down into that I'm lonely or something to that effect. Figures.
You know I could go on and on talking about nothing, but I have to get responsible and do what I'm expected to be doing. Not only that but my mom's going to call soon and I have to tell her I've at least done something that amounts to productiveness.
The word productiveness reminds me of the word producing, which reminds me of production at church, which reminds me I missed out on take-down last week. Most people hate that time of day, but personally I really enjoy feeling like I'm doing something helpful. Having friends that do take-down makes it even better.
Anyways, away I go to take the helm and steer myself back on course. I have a book to read too....
Lizzimae
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