Paranoid Self

I have come to see the light about my paranoid side -- it is quite prevalent primarily in my interactions with men.

For example: I find that I consider eating to be a very private and intimate thing. Which I guess is weird, except I cannot help it. It is not something I can reason myself out of. If I'm with a large group of people, I naturally don't eat. It is how it's been for as long as I can remember. I don't know why or when it developed.

So, as a result, whenever some guy asks if I wanna go grab lunch, my brain goes "no, you're nice and all, but I dont like you like THAT!"....and then I can't leave the issue alone. I get obsessive about if he is trying to get too close, or if I'm being paranoid, and I enjoy talking to him but I'm being rude but I don't want to encourage him in that area and I explode internally. Which I guess is imploding.

The fact that its an issue in the first place is a problem. But that I make SUCH an issue about a non-issue is even more of a problem.

I'm just a problem.

And a mess.